haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
