I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
