you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
