DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize