It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
