wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize