We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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