he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize