guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
