Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
