We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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