How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
