Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
