he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
