My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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