i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
