i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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