I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
