Buhtt sex?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
