Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
