so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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