my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
