felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
