The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
