Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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