remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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