2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
