you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
