I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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