Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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