Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize