Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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