youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
