I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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