You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
