Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
