Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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