Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
