guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
