you're like a bully in the Christmas story
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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