He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize