my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
