I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
