Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found your dick twin last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
