forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
