You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
