I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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