The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
