i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
