it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
