She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
