i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
