the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
