the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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