Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is wine microwaveable?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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