my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
