Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
