i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
