Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
