i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
