the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
