Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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