Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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