Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
