My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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