how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
