k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
