hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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