Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
