And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
