It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
