The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
