We won't sleep together?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
