Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
