There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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